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The Language of Vulnerability (and its effects on our body)

How often do you say what you really mean or want when it comes to love? It’s not easy to do so because it makes us feel too vulnerable. Where do these unexpressed words lie within the body? To find out, let’s do a little experiment:

  • Close your eyes
  • Take a deep breath and think about something that makes you feel so vulnerable, such as:
    • I love you
    • I want you to love me
    • I need your help
    • I feel jealous because I don’t want you to leave me for someone else
    • I want to open my heart to you but I feel scared
    • I’m afraid to ask you to open your heart to me
  • Now, scan your body and notice where you feel these vulnerable feelings
  • When I am holding back vulnerable words I tend to feel them in my heart or my gut
  • Where do you feel it?

Regardless of where you feel it, unexpressed scary feelings and thoughts create stress responses in the body (fight, flight or freeze). These stress responses slow our breathing and digestion and constrict us, making us feel tight and closed up. Doing so affects the flow within the body and we end up with constipation, IBS, gas & bloating, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, headaches, heart palpitations, sleep issues and many other physical, emotional and mental symptoms.

How do we relieve some of these symptoms? Begin with the willingness to allow vulnerability within yourself. Say out loud to yourself all the things you actually feel but are afraid to share with another person. It’s good to say it out loud so the throat chakra begins to open up and you hear yourself affirming your truth. The reason we don’t want to express these vulnerable feelings is because we are afraid we will lose someone, be rejected or abandoned by another person or miss our chance to be with the one we care about. Here’s the rub…you are already thinking about and wanting it! Why not take the chance and ask for what you need and really want? The worse thing that can happen is someone says “no”. At least this way you will find out the truth and either get what you want, discuss ways for you and your potential partner to move toward a relationship, or move on and stop wasting your time. Life is short!

I get it…no one wants to hear “no” but if you aren’t willing to risk a “no” you may never get to a “yes” (either with the object of your desire or someone who is actually available to you). The most important thing is to practice self-love first. When you have your own back and know that you are lovable and worthy – guess what? You know that no matter what happens you will be just fine! Sure, for a time your ego might be a bit bruised but that is just part of the process of finding love, isn’t it? As many before me have said – great love requires great risk.

“Deep love requires inner vulnerability”

When you allow vulnerability and share that with another person you model what strength looks like. You become an example of how loving yourself gives you the courage to speak your truth and take care of your needs. Also, when you share your willingness to be vulnerable yourself, you offer your loved one the opportunity for them to be vulnerable too. In this way you are creating true intimacy. How beautiful is that?

“Vulnerability creates intimacy”

If it’s too scary and you just can’t do it yet, it’s ok! Perhaps you need to practice some loving self-healing first. A great way to engage in some wonderful self-healing is by reading and participating in the exercises found in my free E-book “Nurturing Our Vulnerable Selves”. Click on the link at the top of my website, put in your email and download my helpful and insightful book:

“Being vulnerable reminds you that you are human”

Discovering true self-love and self-worth creates calm within your body and you start to relax. You begin to accept yourself and allow your humanness. Without added stress your body can let go of the stress responses and physical health can return. We all need emotional safety in life but we cannot expect it from other people or situations outside of ourselves. We must take responsibility for creating it within so we can create the lives we desire and deserve.

“It is your birthright to live with love, joy and peace!”